Monday, March 28, 2011

Wife Wanted



Today I was thinking on the way into work ... after getting up, making coffee, kissing Bryon goodbye as he sped out the door with aforementioned coffee just after 6 am, getting Grace rolling on the incredibly slow journey to getting dressed, groomed and fed, getting myself dressed, groomed and fed, making my lunch, making the bed, feeding the chickens, waiting for the bus to arrive, noticing my ever growing grocery list protruding from my car dashboard and checking my iPhone calendar of to dos ... what I need, what would be amazingly helpful, is a Wife.

Not one of us millennial wives either, I need a nice 1950's wife who cooks and cleans and meets the kids after school with homemade treats (my Mom used to have brownies, choco chip cookies or another favorite grahamn crackers with icing in the center, Yummmmmy!) Of course she was mostly a 1960's wife which was when it all started to change for us women. More freedom, more power, more careers and somehow so much more to do it seems.

I would like my Wife to meet me at the back door after work each day with a nice glass of iced tea or a mug of coffee and the day's mail (preferably a spanky NEW issue of any of my favorite magazines) and then fluff up the cushion on the deck chair for me as she keeps the rest of the family at bay so I can relax and think deep thoughts about Martha Stewart's Whole Living and her meditation tips or which chicken breed really IS for me.

Then as the aromas of my favorite meal (fill in the blank here) wafts in through the screen window, I finally hear the dinner bell ring (she has an actual bell) and I am summoned to dinner with my family. She only appears to serve us and then disappears to tend to laundry and various other sundry cleaning chores (i.e. cleaning the cat box etc.). When I'm troubled to refill my own tea glass, I notice the fridge is now full of everything on my list as is the pantry.

When we are finished, we all retire to the living room to watch the family hour of television and then Grace is off to shower or take a bath, Bryon and I can catch up on emails etc while my Wife finishes the day's chores, tends to the animals, maybe sweeps the sidewalks and pulls some weeds while she's out there and finally retires to her own abode... away from us... wherever it is that she disappears to. 

Then, with nothing else to tend to but our own selfish desires, hobbies or whimsy we can finish up the evening at leisure. 

Wouldn't that be nice?

To have a Wife of your very own?


Disclaimer: This is not a reflection of Bryon or his participation around the house. He helps a lot. He works hard inside and outside the house. I'm just particularly tired right now, definitely PMSing and more than a little disgruntled. I think I need a vacation. And/or a Wife.

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