Lest you think nothing has been happening around the Medley household, fear not.
Tuesday night Bryon was helping me frantically clean the house for my work Christmas party coming up on Friday, when he ran across some old flares we had bought when we went to Alaska in 2002. You know, flares, to signal for help in case a giant grizzly bear appeared in our roadside camp and proceeded to eat one of us.
Well the flares had also EXPIRED in 2002. Being a MAN, he decided to shoot them off our back deck about 8:30 pm just to see what they would do.
He ripped the cord on the first one and it pulled all the way out the back of the flare. A dud. He started to bring it back into the house and I told him no way, he should leave it out there in case it had a delayed reaction. As he spun around the thing just broke in half and fell to the deck. No big boom. No problem.
Not satisfied with the results, he picked up the next flare. Did I mention there were four in the pack? He ripped the cord and shazam, the thing zoomed out and arced over the pond in a red blaze of glory. Okay, I'll admit it was pretty cool.
Then, feeling cocky, he got the third flare, ripped the cord and it zoomed straight up into the air and then landed smack in the middle of our trampoline and proceeded to burn a two foot hole in the middle of the jump mat and then set the leaves UNDER the trampoline on fire.
Yes. A two foot hole.
I just could not believe it.
He took the other flare into the garage I guess and I walked out with a flashlight to see the damage. The thing AND the grass was still on fire so I yelled at him to come put it out before it burned the whole dang house down.
So now, I'm trying to figure out if we can buy a new jump mat. I sent an email to the company minutes after the event and a totally humorless drone replied to order it from their website. Seriously, could you not even COMMENT on the fact someone burned a hole in the thing with a flare?
The search continues for a new trampoline mat because I just haven't had time to pursue it.
I'm pretty sure this secures his place in the Niangua Redneck Community...as if it wasn't already.