Top 10 Things I've Learned From Dog Obedience Training

Week five of dog training. Two weeks left.

Honestly, it has been a pain. The weekly commitment is excruciating, especially since I hate doing things during the week nights. I know, I know I'm getting old. I'd just like to come home and relax (cue hysterical laughter here because that rarely actually happens either).

I have learned and clarified a few things these past few weeks about myself and my dog.

Here ya go:

10. Even if you pay for it, you can not force people or animals to respect your authority. I still have no idea how to command that. 




9. My dog will do virtually any trick for a hot dog. I would do virtually any trick for Thin Mints.

8. It is rarely a good idea to wear a fanny pack around your waist. At obedience school, it's the only way to both protect your hot dog ammunition and ensure your dog's rapt attention.

7. A doggie seat belt is only somewhat effective. It does indeed keep your pet out of the front seat, but not from pinging around the back seat.

6. My dog, like my kid has her own opinions and a strong will. Possibly stronger than mine.

5. Dog training instructors take things very seriously. Most of the classes I've felt like I landed in the middle of a Saturday Night Live skit. I may be the only one who sees the humor, but I have entertained myself. 

4.  I can only remember the names of the bad dogs and not the good ones. I have no idea who the owners are.

3. Two of the tricks Belle has learned are to spin around and to roll over. I see no practical application for either trick, but I was inordinately proud that she could do them.

2. The three main training goals I wanted to accomplish (no jumping, come when I call and no more chewing on me) continue to elude us. Luckily, we also have a shock collar. That will be plan B.

1. Even though she may never be Best In Show or win an agility competition, Belle is still a part of our family now, til death do us part and at six months we all love her despite her occasional naughtiness.

Sit Ubu, Sit! Good Dog.

Tonight began week three of obedience training with Belle. The first week was just for the humans. We did not get treats. It was a little disappointing. Last week was the first week with Belle. It was a crazy week, and I wasn't feeling especially patient after having to drive home midweek during a stressful four days of blood drives in Rolla. We muddled through.

My first obstacle was how I was going to keep Belle from pinging around the inside of my car like a furry pinball. I stopped by the pet store and found a seat belt harness for her. Of course I bought the wrong size. It was way too big. The next day, I went back and bought the medium but kept the large because she's just going to keep growing.

Just getting the harness on her was a lesson in perseverance. She hated it and tried to chew the thing off. I finally got her into the car and buckled in, and we were off with my fanny pack full of tiny cut up hot dog bits. I made it to Marshfield, and she was out of the harness and free to roam about the cabin.

I pulled over in the funeral home parking lot under the big lights and proceeded to restrain her again. That's when I realized I had missed buckling a vital piece of the harness across her back. Snapped in, but neither of us all that happy, we were off again. I spent the rest of the car ride to and from praying she didn't chew a hole in my leather seats.

The next stressful thing was the meet and greet with all of the other dogs. I don't know how much Belle weighs right now, but she's big. You can see how she's laid out across my back seat. She takes up most of the couch now, and we have to raise her head up and scoot her over to sit down ourselves. I can hold her on the leash but barely. If she's motivated, it's a struggle.

She was very motivated to meet and greet.

The first night was a whole lot of wanting to sniff other dogs. Mercifully, she didn't pee or growl or snap at anyone or any other dogs so all and all it was at least a social success. Neither of us got banned. The instructors showed us the behaviors we were to work on by demonstrating their already trained dogs. One dog was a real pro. The other dog was supposedly just recently trained.

The instructor was demonstrating down (lay down) and suggested we all try it. I suggested there was no way Belle would do it. She took the challenge and called Belle up to the front of the class. She huffed and puffed and struggled with Belle for ten minutes trying to get her to go down. Every other dog in the class did it. Not Belle.

It was both a little satisfying that even she couldn't achieve it with Belle and also supremely frustrating. She suggested perhaps Belle just needed a calmer setting. Uh, sure, that will work.

I left not feeling too confident in ever getting her do the down. Honestly, I just want her to quit jumping and chewing on me aggressively, and I want her to come when I call her. Every time. I'm not expecting her to start bringing me beverages from the fridge or vacuuming the house. I don't think I'm asking too much.

Belle is pretty solid on the sit and does come to the whistle now almost every time. But she's still got some really bad behaviors we need to overcome. It's difficult not to compare her to Briar (our old black lab who lived to twelve) and Daisy (our yellow lab who also lived to twelve). Briar was the most stubborn dog I have ever known. He would not come to me outside if I called for him, and he didn't want to. Bryon had whistle trained him from a very young age though and that was my saving grace with him. He was bomb proof on the whistle because he didn't know who was blowing it. You could see the disappointment on his face when he rounded the corner and saw he'd been tricked by me into coming.

Daisy was a saint. She was just about the perfect dog. She was bomb proof. Together they made great pets and got along so well. It was really difficult when they passed, even though they passed three years apart. I can't tell you how many times I think that Belle is just Briar reincarnated as a bitch. Be careful what you wish for.

I didn't get to work with Belle too much this week but Sunday I found a good spot between the chair and the wall and worked on the down command with her. By golly, she finally got it. Now she'll do it every time ... as long as I have a hotdog. No hotdog and forget about it. Still, it felt good to show off her awesome trick tonight at the training class. She was a rock star.

This week we are working on doing the tricks without treats.

Neither of us is going to like that.

Dog & Cat

DOG UPDATE:
Last Wednesday night, I traveled to the Springfield Dog Training Club east of Springfield for my first ever obedience training class. The class is for Belle. I mind just fine. Most of the time. The rules that make sense anyway.


It was a raining night. It was dark. It was foggy. The club is out in the middle of nowhere and I drove by it the first time but finally made it. The first night is just for the humans. Belle goes with me next week. The class didn’t even start until 7 pm and I HATE being out on a weeknight. When I first walked in the previous class was still in session. Those dogs were BEHAVED.

As the first class wound down, the staff circled chairs around for our class. We all sat down ready to share our dog woes with the not so faint smell of urine in the air. You know, sort of what I’d expect and AA meeting to be like. I could already imagine Belle and I getting kicked out for our mutual insubordination because everything struck me as funny. I was one dog away from being a Saturday Night Live skit.

I’ve placed a lot of hope in this class when what I probably should have invested in is more massages for myself. And maybe hypnosis. Or some sort of voodoo to ensure more patience. From the first night, the one thing I learned that seems to be the pivotal key to success is this; hotdogs. Dogs LOVE hotdogs and will apparently do ANYTHING for more hotdogs. Woe to you when you run OUT of hotdogs.

I cut up an entire package the very next day after class and have been trying to implement my new mind bending dog training techniques on Belle. I also bought a doggie seatbelt so I can keep her from pinging around the interior of my car to and from class.

I’m ready. Bring it on next week’s class. I am prepared to dominate.

I’ll just have to try to keep the snarky thoughts and comments to myself. THAT will be the most difficult part. Unless I run out of hotdogs.

CAT UPDATE
Last week also brought the spaying of our new wildcat, Violet. I’ve been feeding her in the mornings so she’s used to the schedule now. She waits impatiently outside the patio door for us to wake and greet her in the mornings. She’s really sweet and friendly. Monday I thought I might just crate her up and take her to the vet, but I decided to call first to make sure that would be okay. I didn’t know how it would go or WHEN I might be able to catch her and get that feat accomplished.

The vet said no problem, bring her when I could and they would get the job done … for $53. The next morning she was outside the door as usual. I ran up and got the cat carrier and stuffed her inside without incident. She wasn’t too happy once she realized she’d been duped by my affection, but she wasn’t insane either. We came to an agreement. She mewed and I consoled all the way to the vet.

I dropped her off and checked on her later that day. She was still groggy so I decided it was probably better if she spent the night at the vet than if I tried to keep her in the garage all night. I picked her up early the next morning and took her home.

My biggest fear was that the second I let her out of the crate she’d run for the woods never to be seen again. I have the same worry every time I hive bees. Because really, what’s to keep them from just saying screw it and flying away? Uh, nothing.

Before I opened the cat carrier, I filled her bowl with food, another with water and dumped some tuna over the top of it. I wafted the open tuna container in front of the carrier. She was interested. I opened the door and she came out purring and rubbing against me ready for lovin’s. I was forgiven. I’m pretty sure the tuna helped.

That night, Grandpa, Grace and Bryon all reported that she was indeed fine and still hanging around. Grandpa fed her some more tuna and and everyone in the family scratched her ears for her. At one point, Bryon got a glimpse of something out on the back deck and looked out to find a beautiful, fluffy white opossum eating out of the cat bowl and Violet rubbing her body against it like a Brillo padded cat scratch post. What the heck?

Guess it’s a good thing I went ahead and gave her a rabies shot as well.