Ay, There's The Rub

I didn't get my first massage until I was thirty. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Massages are wonderful. I'd get one a week if I could afford it. When I win the lottery one day, and I will, that's the first thing I'm signing up for.

What I would really like is for the therapist to come to my home. Sure, they tell you to lie there and relax for a while after it's all over. Really, though, they want you up and out asap. If you dozed off and tried to take a two hour nap like you really wanedt to, they'd rip those tiny but toasty blankets off your naked body in a heart beat.

I have one girlfriend who refuses to have a massage because she has nakedness issues. I do not have nakedness issues. I figure they have seen lots fatter, cellulitier and hairier bodies than mine. If not, well, they are getting paid.

I like everything about the experience of having a massage. I like the smells of eucalyptus and tea tree oils. I like the soft clean feel of the sheets on the massage table and the comforting weight of the massage blankets. I like the dim light and the new agey music that you never can find anywhere else. If someone would put a massage table in the middle of a book store, that would just about be Nirvana.

After having dozens of massages myself, I finally talked Bryon into having one several years ago. We had them at the same time but in different rooms. There was a guy therapist and a girl therapist. He was torn as to which to choose. Ultimately, he chose the dude. He enjoyed it, but I think it sort of creeped him out a bit. Not me. I swing both ways when it comes to massage therapists. I'm unbiased, unbigoted and rearing to go.

Having a massage from a trained therapist is just so wonderful. First of all, you can rub and rub your own hands and feet and it will NEVER feel that good. When my girl hits this one spot near the pad of my thumb, it almost brings me to tears of ecstasy. TMI? Probably, but you get the idea.

Another massage mystery is exactly why when you touch your own extremely ticklish and sensitive feet, it doesn't tickle at all. When the therapist lays hands on those puppies, I have to resist the urge to pull them back and kick her in the face. I certainly wouldn't be welcomed back if that ever happened despite my generous tipping.

I used to get one hour massages but the entire time I was lying there getting scrubbed and rubbed, I'd be thinking, "It's almost over. It's almost over. It's almost over." Now I get hour and a half massages. I don't worry about when it's going to be over. I'm fortunate to have a very reasonable massage therapist within a twenty minute drive of my house. In fact, she had a special before Christmas, and I bought four one and a half our massages for $50 each. Those same massages would have been around $90-$120 in Springfield or (shudder) Eureka Springs.

One thing about massage therapists is they can sense a knot before you even know you have one. They are like dogs and fear. Let them know they've hit tender spot, and they'll bore a hole through that sucker.  The trick is to go all floppy and let them think you like it when they try to separate your muscles from the bone. Of course the second they are on to the next spot, your body immediately regrets any grousing your weak mind was doing and begs for her to go back to that spot. Meanwhile, the other side is jealous of what's going on, and you can't wait for her to make the circuit.

Another trick to procuring the absolute best massage is to speak up. If the pressure is too light or too hard, you have a voice. Use it. They don't read minds.

You could pick out the freshly massaged from a lineup no problem. They are the ones with the fluffed out, slightly shiny hair and that sleepy eyed, smirk on their faces. There are only a few things that are that relaxing and satisfying.

I'd suggest only actually paying for one of them.

January Update

Hello February, we are on to bigger and better things. Last month, I decided to concentrate on two things: walking and writing. I signed up for the JANO (write a novel of 50,000 words in a month) challenge and bought a pedometer to measure how many steps I took each day for a month.

It was a month of counting words and steps.

Here's how it broke down:

I walked 109,442 steps which equals 44.9 miles in 21 days. (I didn't get my pedometer until after the month had begun.) Twenty eight of those miles were intentional in the name of exercise. I know I can do better than that. I didn't break the 10,000 steps (five mile) goal any day last month, so that's my next milestone to achieve. I have a great gravel road nearby where I can walk exactly four miles up and down hills. It takes me a couple of hours so with the short daylight, it's strictly a weekend event right now. I just have to make myself do it much more often.

I would have to walk our trail loop seven times to achieve that. I'm pretty sure I'd be dizzy by then.

As for the writing, well that was also close, but I didn't quite meet my goal.

I knew I wouldn't meet the 50,000 words towards a novel goal because I only need 18,000 or so to finish my novel. Mission accomplished on that front. My blog posts don't actually count towards the official JANO count but they count toward the MEDLEY count so including this post, my total is 37,462 words. I am fairly certain that is the most I have ever written in a month. This post makes the 32 post in a row in my 365 day challenge. Also a record.

Are you going to get a lame post featuring a photo of my dog soon with only a caption? My Magic 8 Ball says "Outlook Good". Remember that whole diamond and rock thing.

Still, overall it's been a dang good month.

I am not going to pick two new goals for February. I like these two. I plan to just keep doing more of the same. Of course, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think that isn't necessarily true if you are just trying to do better. We'll see.

Bring it February.

Step By Step

I have become a slug. This was not a surprise to me. I know how much time I spend in front of the computer and/or tv (sometimes at the same time). Don't forget my other favorite pastime ... reading.  I also drive a lot for work which means lots of time spent sitting around. Generally, I like sitting around being a bum. None of these activities however inspire movement of any kind. Well, maybe when I raise and lower my coffee cup and click my fingers along the keyboard. Still, not many calories being burned there.

The two things I decided to focus on for January were writing and walking. My friend Liz recommended a great digital pedometer which I promptly ordered from Amazon. I really had no idea how much I walked on an average day. It took me a few days after receiving it to decide to try to get it set up. I hate trying to figure out my stride and fiddle with the settings. I finally sat down one day when the house was empty and quiet and figured the damn thing out. It was actually pretty easy. I got it all set up and headed outside to take the dog for a walk. That was a good day. I took Belle on three loops around our trail; one in the morning, one at lunch and one before dark. She was happy, and I was too.

Belle and I did that three days the first week I had the pedometer. Each trip around our trail is 3/4 of a mile and takes about 15 minutes. Since that first week, I pretty much backslid into business as usual. I even forgot to wear it one day. I did walk on the treadmill a couple of nights but then life got busy as it is prone to do, and my ambition waned. When it was warmer outside, I made Grace take Belle for a quick 10 minute walk in the mornings before school. Now that it's cold, I don't have the patience or the desire to arm wrestle her into doing it. I don't even want to take the dog for a walk on those mornings so she's stuck in the kennel until Grandpa picks up Grace after school and takes her for a walk.

Today, I MADE myself walk her around the trail twice. It was hard. It's cold. I didn't want to do it. I did feel great when I got back inside and warmed up around the pellet stove. Belle is noticibly calmer when she gets to expend some of her energy as well. I know in my HEAD that it's a win/win. My heart and the rest of me take more convincing.

I just checked the trip meter on the pedometer. It's been eleven days since I started using it, and I have 48,676 steps on it. There is a great Walking Site that explains about the whole step thing and how many you should strive for. Basically, 10,000 steps equals about five miles. Two thousand plus steps equals a mile. So in eleven days and despite my lackluster ambition, I have walked about twenty four miles (if I did my math correctly). You should check that though. Seriously.

For the optimal health benefit, I should have been somewhere closer to 110,000 steps. I was less than half. I have got to move it! Uggg. Why can't it just be easy? But you know it never is. I know it never is. Exercise always feels uphill both ways.

I think back to ten years ago, when I was a walking/hiking machine! I was in the best shape of my life then. Now ... not so much. On a birighter note, I have managed to lose five pounds in the little effort I have exerted so far. Well, that and not eating two chocolate chip cookies four times a week at Subway. It really is the little things that add up.

Now, I just need to keep adding up those steps.